JAYsus

I have lost another fucking pound. Remember, I am trying to gain... At least my arms don't look any smaller... I am now 188 pounds, which was where I was when I started this shit....

I think I need to make weight gain NOT my goal, since clearly I am moving shit around weight-wise. More later, I am too annoyed right now.

Plus the fact my f-ing scale tells me I have 15% body fat. I am 6 fucking foot four, and I weigh 188, what the fuck is wrong with you?!?!? :-)

Bedtime for bonzo, I'll *try* and be nice tomorrow.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty...

Okay, so not THAT pretty, but I am having a good day so far. Despite the fact that the dogs have now taken to waking me up at FIRST LIGHT. (I will be so glad after the clocks change back, when IS that this year? Hmmm, methinks it may be this weekend.)

Since I felt so dreadfully tired, I decided to dress pretty today. ☺ I have on a pair of nice fitting flat front dress slacks with black shoes (see them here) with a cool Thomas Pink shirt and totally cool cufflinks (brushed stainless steel squares that are connected by a band of black leather that wraps around the outside of the sleeve cuff). I may look totally tired, but I was getting looks this morning, yay! Although getting looks from women isn’t quite the same as from the `mos. lol Lord, I am so gay.

Today is supposed to be a glorious mid sixty degree day. Praise Jesus for a little bit of springtime, we never get that here. I’ll enjoy the 2 days of it before it turns 90 with 90 percent humidity. Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny and 70, so I plan on taking my lunch down on the tidal basin looking at the cherry blossoms (and probably getting quite annoyed at the tourons).

I ate so much food yesterday, and protein, lawsy, I certainly ate enough. My problem seems to be getting enough fiber to keep up with the protein, but I won’t go into gory detail…

Today is our annual chili cookoff at work, so I should be set for the afternoon, and I plan to haul my tired ass to the gym this evening.

I need to say a prayer for Ken while eating my chili, he is going to be taking the motorcycle license course again, which he failed the first time. I hope he gets it, he will be crushed if he has to come back another day… sweet boy. I hereupon call on the blog Gods to allow this to happen… ☺

UPDATE: He passed the test!!! Yay, this is a good thing, it will make his day. Hmmm, maybe I'll actually get sex tonight.

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up a dirty window.... etc.

I totally keep forgetting to weigh myself in the mornings. So who knows whether I am gaining or not… Last night, I had a REALLY good workout, I just need to make sure I have protein intake today. I had just finished doing drop sets of preacher curls (100x12, 90X12, 80X12, 70X12) and was really feeling good. I looked over at Duane (friend, gym owner) who had come behind me to workout there and he’s lifting like 30 pounds. Naturally, I say, “I hate you. You have HUGE arms and I have puny arms comparatively…” He said, “oh, you’re doing the right thing, you’ll have these two if you keep working at it. I just don’t want to get any bigger, I won’t be able to fit in my shirts.”

So, this means one day I will be able to lift light? Oh joy, oh rapture! Who knew?

And, the tighter cut shirts now are tight on my arms. The loose ones still are quite roomy. The concept of having a dress shirt on with limited room in the arms is inconceivable to me, and probably honestly fairly impossible (without steroids, which I have decided not to use).

Had a piss poor night’s sleep, but did what Ken has started doing when I woke up at 5am and couldn’t get back to sleep… I just got up. Made coffee, did the morning routine, etc. Funny thing is, I feel recharged and full of energy now, and I think if I had tried to force myself to sleep until 6:30, I would have been worn out now.

My allergies have been bugging me lately, and my eyes have been runny and sinuses kind of congested. Took some Tylenol cold/sinus. Bought some Visine-A eye drops that have an antihistamine in it at the recommendation of a co-worker. Oh my GOD, its like putting ACID in your eyes. Hope it helps though. Perhaps more later. ☺

Never believe the news

I was watching the news I think last Friday and they had said what was going to be the peak of the cherry blossoms, which wound up being today through Wednesday. I looked at the weather and it looked like today might be about the best weather day of the three, so I headed down to the tidal basin this afternoon. The weather did not disappoint, it was probably about 62 or so and lovely. The tourons actually weren't bad either, although I really need to give some of them a lesson in walking. The CBs, though, sucked. Clearly they are not really that close to peak. So I come back to the office (annoyed, so I took a cab directly up 17th to Conn.), only to look online and see the NEW peak is for this Thursday (when, conveniently, the weather is also supposed to be gawjus. I will head down there then. I suppose I shouldn't complain, all the walking keeps me fit and trim and having hot young guys try and pick me up at Halo. ;-)

Back to normal

Thankfully, Duane and Pete's place was rather low-key. Thank goodness. Had a little vino and watched Desperate Housewives, which was tres' fun. We had a long discussion about whether Andrew (Bree's gay son who was extorting her and is now suing her to remove her parental rights) actually defames gay people, or more specifically, gives us a bad name. I argued that it was nice that they are finally writing gay people into these shows who actually have sex and are not Will of "Will and Grace", ie. squeaky clean, or like Jack on W&G, who plays the minstrel. They begged to differ, saying that the negative gay characterizations were just like when african americans were first depicted on TV, they were all pimps, drug dealers/users, and prostitutes.

I dunno, I think thats a bit unfair, because if you look at the vast majority of characters, I think they are actually written okay. There aren't many, granted, so this one portrayal sticks out as negative, but... whatever.

One thing about D&P, you never know what you are going to get for dinner. Last night, we had a grilled burger with condiments (no bun, which was fine with me, I can use less carbs) and some type of rice or barley number, it was quite good. Dessert was a pecan pie (store bought) with ice cream. Nothing bad about the meal, just a little... unusual. Of course, they served it on *time* too, which is probably why when we have people over and cook elaborate meals, we wind up eating at like 10pm or later.

Got home at a reasonable hour, went to bed, watched a bit of the news and fell asleep probably by 11:30. Had a hard time sleeping past 6 this morning for some reason. Got to work early because of it.

Tonight, I HAVE to get back to the gym after a two day hiatus, and, thankfully, abs class is at work tonight, so that will give me a jump start. Forgot to weigh myself this morning, bad me.

You can ride that horse again...

So there is a theme with the latest posts. Alcohol. lol Went with Robb to dinner at Ceiba last night, and the waiter, while being totally cute (probably about 24 or 25), was also ANIHILATEDLY drunk. It was definitely a first for me, even counting college. So, we were speculating that he might be stoned , but then he conveniently announced that he was "totally wasted". This is soon after he told us his name was "Max. And I like long walks on the beach." I think he was having fun playing with the table of attractive `mos (if I do say so myself), but the MANAGER wasn't having any of it. We tried in vain to get his job saved, but in the end, Max was pounding the pavement. I mean, he was running into chairs.... staggering a bit. Max, a shout out to you. You were fun, sorry about your job. :)

After dinner, we went to Halo. It was nice, crowded, but nice. Stayed out too late, and Robb forced me to have martini number 3. Ugh. Then, he was going to drive me home. It wasn't until we were in the car that I realized how drunk he was. Specifically, when we were in Chevy Chase, MD, where the lanes get real narrow. I mean, Robb, aka Berta, has NEVER been a good driver in any meaning of the term. However, this was different. So, I'm thinking, well, its about three miles to my house. I can't drive, I could walk, hmmm... thankfully we made it home safely, where he tells me to make him another manhattan (Ken was on duty, so was waiting up, very sweet.)... this was his fourth manhattan. Thank GOD I poured wine for me, if I had another martini at that point, today would have been very very bad. :) SO, we finally stopped talking and went to sleep (he was slurring at this point) at about 3:30 I think. I woke up at 11 with a little headache... Robb emerged from the guest room at I think noonish or 12:30, threw up violently in the bathroom and then went back to bed. Got up at about 1 or so and took advil, then slept for about another hour and then got up and left. Poor thing looked awful.

One highlight of last night was this totally hot guy tried to pick me up. I flashed the ring and told him that I was very complimented that such a fine man would be interested... it was nice, that doesn't happen to me all that often. I had a tight Ben Sherman shirt on, so I think that is what may have helped. He commented on it. He was quite fine, looked like he had some perhaps Iranian in him...

So, all in all, a Betty Ford weekend. ;-) Going to dinner at Pete and Duane's tonight, hopefully they will be teatoteling (how the heck do you spell that?!?). I think we are supposed to watch D.H. if it is on. Just checked, new episode, YAY! This is my last Sunday before I have to return to chorus practice on Sunday evenings, so I should enjoy it...

The Good, the bad, and lord do I feel ugly

Had over Jeff and Claire (Jeff is an old friend of Ken's from the Squad; we honestly have not had them over for dinner since they got married three years ago) over last night, long evening, I think they left at around 12:30. I had a martini early and then a glass of wine with dinner. Ken was beat and went to bed; I had a lot to clean, and was quite wide awake, so I decided to make another martini. I wish they would do a scientific study to determine when exactly it is that the "stupid factor" starts with alcohol. Eventually, I decided to go to bed (no water, no advil, no brain, apparently) and Ken was snoring up a storm so I slept downstairs. That is, until apparently around 5:30 when I (still asleep, mind you, I hope that doesn't cause a problem someday) went upstairs, and Ken said, "late night?" as a joke and I apparently said, "logistical circumstance, loser." I have no idea what that would mean, besides being just obviously nasty. When I woke up at about 11 (!), with my head pounding, he told me this and I profusely apologized. But who knows what my subconscious was trying to say.

191.5lb this morning. Oh well, I had a good workout yesterday and my arms are killing me today, I *must* be at least redistributing my weight if nothing else.

I *really* want to stay in tonight, but can't. My old friend Robb (aka Berta) is visiting from Orlando, where he moved about 5 years ago. He apparently went through rehab at one point for crystal (scourge of the planet, evil, evil, evil) and doesn't do anything except possibly smoke now. He said he had some type of epiphany too and had his hair past his shoulders, so lord only knows how this is going to be. I think I will have him meet me at Halo, which he may hate because it is smoke-free, but honestly I can't stand how my clothes smell riding the metro home from a night at JR's. Yuck.

More possibly later.

Progress, slow but sure

Weighed myself this morning, 193. So thats progress, albeit slow. Of course, in my little pea brain I want everything yesterday, but its all good. SO glad its Friday. Looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend (which won't happen, have plans tonight and tomorrow night). I've decided to end the dreadfully boring (for me, and probably coma inducing for anyone who actually would ever READ this thing) task of listing what I am eating daily. Suffice it to say I am trying to keep at about 200g of protein a day, and do so with as little fat and complex carbohydrates as possible. I feel like I am eating all the time, but so far the waist is okay.

Work has been dead this week since the boss is on vacation. I hope to get out of here by about 3pm today and take advantage of the sunny (albeit cool) day.

I wore a short sleeve shirt in to work today, I refuse to let this crappy cold weather change how I *should* be dressing this time of year. :)

Good editorial in the Blade this week about how the gay community is sadly divisive. You can find it here: Of course, I was just about the worst offender at casting dispersions (not necessarily at nelly people, since I was only about a 5 on the butch scale myself), especially at 'trolls' and folks who didn't fit the perfect body mold/hair/face/whatever of the young gay mindset. I wish I could say I had an epiphany and woke up one day to realize how awful I was and decided to never do it again; alas, it wasn't until I got over 40 and became the victim of the same attitudinal issues. I guess I am at the shallow end of the humility pool...

Wonkette and Princess Sparkle Pony clearly are taking the afternoon off having beers or something, because they are not updating nearly enough. :)

I still cannot get over the fact that Cheney requires all televisions in the hotel rooms he is going to be staying in to be pretuned to Fox "News". That just amazes me. I mean, I know he is an idiot who is determined to lead us down a path of divisiveness that will lead to such divides between rich and poor that we can only begin to imagine, but now really, Dick...

And, finally, in the oh my god, how could we not have thought of this earlier category...

I am still amazed at that. You know, just in case the guy you're with smells like cheese down there or something. Ugh.

Well, yay me!

Okay, I now realize that thankfully, no one else really will ever read this, since I am so anonymous and I don't really *tell* anyone I am doing this. Anyhow (GOD, I hate people who say that), I have had some great workouts in the past week, I stepped back my cardio to only 20 minutes (since *every* musclehead on the planet was telling me if I want to gain weight, stop doing cardio...). Naturally I am totally certain that within a week I will weigh 300 pounds, all of which fat. I am so paranoid. Of course (thank God no one reads this) I am dealing with the protein issues as well... eating 200 g of protein (minimum) a day REALLY fucks up your GI tract, you know? Thankfully, it seems to be adjusting back to normal now.

Today for bfast I had yogurt and a tiny bit of CB juice. Lunch was with the ASAE `mos, I had an "ahi tuna burger", which was NOT rare tuna, but some ground tuna with additive 'burger' concoction which actually tasted great (even for someone expecting rare tuna), although they served it (actually, my 'peers' made me) with french fries. I ate only half. The good news is when I weighed myself this morning, (remember, started at 192.5, went down to 188) I was 193.5, which is at least a 5 pound weight gain from where I was when I was doing so much more cardio. Due to my body type, I have decided this is NOT going to be an easy battle (e.g. you don't turn an ectomorph into a mesomorph, its all in the genes), but I am a gonna TRY to be the best I can BE.

Lawsy, I sound like Mary Tyler Moore or something.

OOoooooh, when I finish the tough work tomorrow, I will post, and I need to tell the straight man purse line I heard... :)

xoxoxo

Well...

Didn't eat (because of rehearsal and Ken ran a call and wasn't home until waaaay after 10) until nearly 11, and had PASTA, so that combined with my total kaZILLion calories today (mostly good, little fat) means I will HAVE to gain weight... my MUSCkles were hurting today and I did abs class tonight, so its not that I was sedentary....

Of course, I came home to a martini (thanks snookums, for making it for me before I walked through the door, I felt like Darren Stevens) , and then glass of wine with dinner... BAD. I think this is my way to deal since 9/11 and the fucked up Bush gang in town... just to deal with it... ;-)

And since I mentioned abs class, this beeeyotch ROCKED. She had us (remind you, more than half the class are overweight girls) doing total crunches (arms and legs near the floor and then sit ups so that your body is a "U" pointing skyward). Of course, I was fairly sure after this half hour class that I might puke in the trash can next to my desk, but thankfully did not. :)

Best friend Michael (H) was a little aloof at rehearsal tonight (www.potomac-fever.org), need to find out what is up with him...

Oh, and just between me and the wall (right now, since I am totally anonymous and no one even knows I exist...), Mike R. ("drunk Mike") had his grandma die today. He is a good guy, and a good friend, and the sequence of events was: Grandmom gets sick, cancer, she may die.... OTHER grandmother, who is completely healthy, drops over dead. His father, getting ready for his mother-in-law's funeral, drops over dead from a massive stroke. Within a week, the original "sick" grandma dies... I feel so much for this boy, he is so clearly distraught. And a good guy, too. I told him I'll do whatever he needs, I just ... well, you know, weep with him. Poor guy.

And once again I have a whiney, sad, negative post. I'll never have anyone read this... I'll be stoned (not in a good way) in the courtyard. LOL

Oh my lord in heaven

I SWEAR I am not as whiny in person as this blog sounds. I wouldn't even want to be friends with me if I were. lol Promise to be sunshine and happiness later, once I am over this cold and this ENDLESS winter in DC finally does end.

Tired tired tired

Last night, I didn't get home until nearly 9 after taking care of the dogs, running to the gym, liquor store, cleaners (closed, tyvm) and grocery store... I decided to make a meatloaf and threw in some basil, onion, salt, pepper, worcesthire (sp?), spicy mustard and chopped parsley. Didn't get it into the oven until 9, ate after 10. BAD HABIT. Although Ken didn't get home from his meeting at the rescue squad until late anyway, (granted, it was only 9:15)... So, I was stressed. Naturally, made a martini, then took a glass of wine with us up to bed, which I surprisingly finished while watching the Daily Show and Colbert Report. Usually we go up and I fall asleep nearly immediately (although not as quickly as Ken) and wake up in the middle of the night to turn the TV off.

Last night I was delayed because I rolled out the new Spring Break thing here at work yesterday. Well, thats not a good reason, it was the errands more than anything. Tonight in the office is abs class at 5pm. Food-wise, yogurt, protein bar, lunch was catered meeting and I ate a TON (nothing AWFULLY unhealthy, but I did eat a big ole chocolate chip cookie for dessert). I mean, I *AM* trying to gain weight, right? :) Today has been meeting HELL with three very nearly back to back meetings (although the lunch 'brown bag' was our wellness program, so enjoyable enough). I need to get February statements out... At least before my boss (Anne) gets back next week... tomorrow or Thursday... and, of course, I have lunch plans each day... grrr....

Naturally, I packed a bag for abs class and left it sitting on the front chair, so ran out to Filene's basement just now and picked up a cheap shirt, socks, and shorts. Ran over to City Sports (who robs you, but there are no options downtown) and picked up some compression shorts. I figure I can never have enough of those if I am going to keep working out a lot...

And I apologize for my total overuse today of the ellipsis. Lynne Truss would be totally pissed at me. :)

Today is the first day of the rest of your life...

Or whatever. Totally tired today (nice alliterative) beginning... ;-) Went to the chorus after party yesterday and had a martini and then went home and MADE ANOTHER ONE. Went to sleep well after midnight and when the alarm went off at 6, well, lets just say I was WAY tired. The fact that Ken was all chipper and stuff this morning didn't help my headache. Rare that I get headaches from drinking anymore (largely because I'm not pounding down 14 cape cods while standing around smoking in JRs anymore, more than likely). One of the chorines (actually one of the three that I had a trio with at the December concert) asked what I had been up to, and when I did the obligatory ("oh, you know, not much") he said, "well, obviously you have been workin' out, wow..." That TOTALLY made my head swell...

I have decided that I need to totally lay off the online shopping, I decide I want something, and, 5 minutes later it is winging its way to me, at the demise of my credit cards. I really need to get it in check.

In the shopping addiction vein, I am off every other Friday (this is soon going to change to every Friday if I get my way). Last Friday was my 'flex' day, and the house being relatively clean and my errands/bills being largely caught up, I decided I wanted to take a trek to the outlets at Leesburg, as I had never been. I largely expected, well, not much frankly, and OHMYGODTHEHEAVENIWALKEDINTO... I WAY overspent and bought Ken a new Le Creuset pan he had been wanting ($140, store price around $190) and a Brooks Brothers seer sucker suit (I guess about $200 in the store, $130 at the outlet), since mine was irreparably damaged last year (nothing dramatic, just a coffee incident which sat on the pants for a long time). I also bought a really cute Banana Repub shirt (said shirt I was wearing last night and got the compliment). That pissed me off though, there was this big "50% OFF!" sign next to it and it rung up at full price ($34.95, why is ANYTHING full price at an outlet?) and I said something to which surly manager waiting on me said, "that's clearly marked as the pants". I was looking at the sign and didn't see it, and she had to point out the much smaller, different colored text that said "Pants". I said, "you guys do that on purpose so that I get up here and would feel foolish to change my mind on the sale", and she simply said "no, we don't. The sign is clear." Had I ANY testicles at all I would have told her to stuff it, but I just looked too good in the shirt. >:)

Today is the first day of a new benefit I am rolling out at work (I am ALL about the benes, baby), I am calling it "Spring Break" and once a month for three months, we will close the office at 4pm and go DO something; since it is SO nasty cold out this month, we are just going to a local watering hole, but I think next month we may do Lucky Strike downtown (new WAY hip bowling alley and bar).

I suppose I should wrap up. The boring details of the last day: last night, pizza (I had to, there was only fried food crap at the after party and it was late). Today, yogurt, protein bar, a half of a club sandwich and diet coke for lunch, about two cups of popcorn in the afternoon. Haven't decided what for the "Spring Break", but probably will stick to diet coke since I want to go to the gym later.

First entry

Well, just figured everyone else is doing it, maybe I should too. Initially I need to keep a log or journal of what I eat, because I am trying to gain weight (key here is *muscle* weight), but figured I could do it this way as well. I will actually post a meaningful post later.